Oh, Mr Tucker
by Oldguy73
Summary: Trip and T'Pol deal with the practical side of love.


**Oh, Mr. Tucker**

**By Oldguy73**

**Rating:** M

**Genres:**

**Keywords:** marriage

**NC-17: **May be offensive to those with refined sensibilities. No actual sex. Thanks to my anonymous beta.

**justTripn's Note:** It wasn't me! Don't blame me, blame him, lol . . . )

**Oh, Mr. Tucker**

"What is the towel for?" asked Trip.

He and T'Pol were in his quarters. He was already in the bunk and she was coming towards him, nude, holding a towel in her hand.

"Why the towel?" asked Trip

"When we first mated in the Expanse there were probably semen stains on my sheets afterward. I didn't notice them and fortunately neither did the enlisted men doing the ship's Laundry. When we resumed our intimacy, I noticed the stains and pointed them out to you. I believe you laughed and called them 'pecker tracks.' I had to wash the sheet in my shower and hang it to dry in my quarters. My quarters got very humid and it was uncomfortable. I sent the sheets down to the laundry after they dried. After that I have insisted that we only make love in your bunk," said T'Pol.

"So I can get them on my sheets," said Trip.

"You must be more experienced that I thought if you know that term 'pecker tracks'," said T'Pol.

"No, I told you that I only had three relationships and two of them were intimate a very few times. I picked that up from friends in college."

"You blame your school days often about things like this."

"About stains on my sheets?" asked Trip

"Yes, if the enlisted men in the ships laundry see stains like that on your sheets they will think that you have a female in your quarters or a few females. They will think it is amusing and try to guess who the female is. They will never suspect it is me," replied T'Pol.

"Okay," smiled Trip, "but what about the towel?"

"I was sitting in the dining hall this afternoon and overheard one of the female crew complaining about having to sleep on the 'wet spot'," said T'Pol. "I was not sure what she meant. But one of the other females agreed and said that men just roll over and go to sleep, but that she was always uncomfortable sleeping on that spot," said T'Pol

"I knew then why I was always uncomfortable after we made love. I have asked you to trade places with me, but you always said that both sides of the bunk were the same. I was too embarrassed to say any more."

"So what about the towel?" asked Trip.

"I am going to put it under me. When we make love and afterwards, I can remove it and not be uncomfortable," she said.

"We make love more than once a night," said Trip "You gonna have a stack of towels by the bed?"

"It will be a large towel, I can fold it," replied T'Pol

"That is real romantic," said Trip.

"But practical and logical," replied T'Pol "I would rather be comfortable. Besides it does not take away our pleasure or love."

"What about the towel? It will have a stain on I,." said Trip.

"I can wash it and hang it to dry over the shower and it wil be dry enough in the morning to send to the laundry," said T'Pol.

"Thought of everything haven't you?" grinned Trip. "That solves the problem of stains."

T'Pol still stood by the bunk looking at Trip.

"Something else?" asked Trip.

"Yes, sometimes you eat food that gives you "gas" as you put it. You release that gas out of your posterior when we are in your bunk. You think it is amusing and laugh, but the odor is unpleasant," replied T'Pol. "At other times the gas is released as a 'belch.' That noise is offensive. Once you did it here, laughed, and said that you wished Malcolm could have heard it."

"T'Pol, you should have heard some of the contests we had in middle school: who could fart the stinkiest or belch the longest and loudest," bragged Trip.

"See, that is what I mean. You bring up your school days to defend immature behavior," she sniffed.

"Hell, we were just kids. Sure it was childish, but what do you expect out of kids?" replied Trip

"Vulcan children would never do anything like that or have a contest like that," T'Pol said.

"Anything else? asked Trip.

"There are supposed to be bathroom deodorizers. When you use the toilet to eliminate body waste and I walk in right afterwards, there is usually an offensive order in there. A deodorizer would help a great deal. I understand its odor is a bit offensive as well, but I would probably prefer it to the other oder."

"Okay, I will get some deodorizers from the quartermaster today," said Trip. "Have anything else on your list?"

"Yes, you scratch. Mostly your rear end when you leave the bunk in the morning. Sometimes other areas of your body. Since you are naked, it looks unsightly," said T'Pol.

"Hell, what is wrong with scratching in the morning?" asked Trip.

"I do not do it," replied T'Pol.

"At least not until the bathroom door is closed," said Trip.

"I do _not _scratch, with or without the bathroom door closed," said T'Pol a little grimly.

"I understand that smaller apes on Earth do the same thing. Especially chimpanzies," said T'Pol

"So now I am a chimpanzie!" snorted Trip

"No, I didn't say that. I said that some animals on earth do it also, and I cited the chimpanzie. That is all," said T-Pol.

"Anything more?" Trip asked.

"You stretch and yawn first thing when you wake up," said T'Pol

"There is absolutely nothing like a good stretch first thing. Gets the kinks out," laughed Trip.

"You almost hit me the other morning. I was just sitting up when you threw out your arms. I had to dodge your hand," said T'Pol.

"Hell, I'm sorry. I will be more careful." Trip smiled.

"You also yawn," replied T'Pol.

"So?" said Trip.

"Your mouth." said T'Pol "Your teeth could use a brushing and also you should use a mouthwash. You always want me to kiss you when you wake up, and I do, but it is a bit distasteful."

Trip sighed, "No kiss until I have brushed and rinsed?"

"Please. I will do the same," said T'Pol."

"This conversation is getting more romantic all the time. And next?" asked Trip.

"You talk with your mouth full on occasion. It is not nice to see," said T'Pol.

"Cap'n does too," retorted Trip.

"You are both guilty of it," replied T'Pol.

"No talking with my mouth full, check." Trip grinned. "Is that all?

"Yes, that is all I can think of right now," said T'Pol.

"That is quite a list," said Trip.

"Those things have been bothering me for some time. I thought this was a good opportunity to discuss them," said T'Pol

Trip thought of the things he could have said but was not going to. He was learning to keep his mouth shut before blurting something that could get him in trouble. He loved T-Pol too much to be saying that she had a few faults in those areas herself. He smiled and took T-Pol in his arms. "I love you."

"I love you too," replied T-Pol, happy that her talk with Trip would have good results. _Or would it_? He was a human male, not a Vulcan who would automatically heed her logical suggestions. _Still, he is my mate and that is what matters. I can live with his faults.  
_  
_Finis_


End file.
